Holy Judgement, Batman! No More Forums For Me.

In this new fangled space age we live in, with all the blogs and pics and twits and facepalms, I are really behind the times, having just started this stupid blog a few months ago. (Poor thing, it really has been neglected. Good thing I'm back ;) So the other night I decided I would really take the plunge into the 21st century and I posted to a forum. WHOA! Craziness, I know! I was feeling a little down and out about some stuff so I decided I would write a post on a newlywed-specific section of this one website I enjoy. I was just looking to get a little something off my chest (nothing big or dramatic, just little struggles of my own) and to hear from other people who maybe deal with the same stuff. I was looking for suggestions on how to deal, a little pat on the back, maybe even a little "hey, it's ok, I totally know what you mean." Well I got one part of that wish right - MEAN. Good gravy, the very first was response was some lovely (we'll just leave it at that, shall we?) reiterating to me everything I said that was wrong and stupid and how I have "major insecurities" and need to "do some serious growing up." Excuse me, ma'am? Ma'am, who doesn't know 2 things about me (except for the 2 things I divulged on my post), has never met me and will probably never meet me? I got a little self-righteous at this point. I think I am pretty damned grown up - married my longtime love at age 22, bought my first house at 23, bachelor's degree, steady job of 5 years, etc. etc. Yep - that sounds like a child to me. Ack! I deleted my post and all the replies immediately. I don't need that shit from a stranger! I should have just opened up to the people who actually give a crap about me instead of counting on strangers to give me encouragement. Alas, I did get a couple of decently constructive replies, including one that was actually kind and encouraging. So that was nice. But I can't do it! Don't have the stomach for it. Not until they figure out how to punch someone in the face through the interwebs, at least. Maybe then I'll come back swingin. Oy!

We are Almost Homeowners!!

Now that we are officially 6 days away from our first home, I've decided to compile a list of what I'm looking forward to, so that when they start happening I can fully appreciate each and every thing :)

-Storage space!!!
-A basement, complete with a laundry area! No more folding, sorting and ironing in the living/dining room. Yes!
-Windows!
-Light fixtures!
-More than 2 closets. Are you ready for this? FOUR. Four closets.Woah baby, we're in the big leagues now!
-Two stories, complete with one beautiful staircase. For some reason, ever since I was a kid I have always wanted a 2 story house.
-Color on the walls. Oh, hallelujah - what a difference some paint makes :)
-A garden ... our red and yellow tulips practically sing "welcome home!"
-Counter space in the kitchen. Oh my, how I love counter space.
-A backyard! Not to mention, attaching the pooch to a lead and letting him explore and do his business without me having to be attached to him.
-A garage ... even if it is only 1 car, it's better than what we've got now!
-Our patio. Cannot wait to buy patio furniture and eat dinner out there with the hubby when the weather gets super nice.

And finally, waking up everyday in my dream first-home with the love of my life and our adorable pooch. Life is SO good. :)

Facebook: A Special Way to Kick You When You're Down

Ok, ok, no hard feelings here, Facebook ... I do love you. I love my newsfeed, seeing what everyone's up to, my friends quirky updates and hilarious pictures. I have some seriously entertaining friends. I have been able to better keep in touch with and get to know a variety of people than I would've been able to if I didn't have FB. Alas, there is a con to all of these pros, as a good friend has recently reminded me. This friend, like 99% of all other FB users, has become pretty exhausted by the amount of apparent immense amazingness everyone else claims that is eminating from their lives. World travel. Dream jobs. Whirlwind romances ... followed by stunning solitaires. Off the hook parties, once in a lifetime concerts, unbelievable photos. All of THAT on my newfeed leaves me with one feeling. "Crud." Why isn't my life like that?! Geez louise. Way to make me feel inadquate. As if we didn't already have enough pressure put on our shoulders from the rest of the world as far as what our lives should be. Now we have FB making it excruciatingly clear on a consistent basis just how lame we are. (I feel like I've said this already ... maybe I've blogged about it before? ;) In a perfect world, we could be honest about our failures, our flaws, our insecurities, and the actual number of Saturday nights in a year we spend on the couch watching that damned Netflix, instead of being out with our 100 besties, partying like a rock star. In a perfect world, that honesty would build bridges with other people who feel the same. Unfortunately those bridges are hard to come by - I'm guessing because the human nature in all of us would rather brag about the great stuff rather than be open about the crummy stuff. So where does this leave us, rather than perhaps not logging in to FB so often? I guess it couldn't hurt to give it a rest every once in a while. Yes, friends and family love to hear about your greatest accomplishments or the fact that you have a great life and are satisfied with it. But let's not forget that there are others seeing that stuff who may be struggling. It seems that replacing any fake enthusiasm about our "perfect" lives with a sincere and truthful book to be read by others is a great place to start.

"I'd rather speak honestly, and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve. Cause in the middle of my brokenness ... Redemption is here." Sanctus Real, The Redeemer

Time to Start Doing Things.

I feel so lame sometimes! I used to think I was this fun, creative person ... tennis, music, dance, art ... but somewhere along the line that must have worn off. Ha! I've come to realize that all I do is work, sleep, and watch Netflix. Essentially. Damn you, Netflix. I started off 2011 with sort of a journal of sorts. I realized at that point that I felt like my life was flying by ... and since I usually can't even remember what I had for breakfast, I should start jotting things down so I don't get to my 80th birthday and realize that I can't remember a single stinkin thing about my wonderful life (including what I had for breakfast on the last day I was still 79). Time for a change, I thought! I bet you can guess how long that lasted. (Well ... about as long as 99% of ALL New Years Resolutions ... so, until January 2nd.) So that's one thing to feel lame about. Today, the reasons to feel lame were piling up in my brain, for some reason. I should workout - I never do. I should read the good book (and/or ANY book) - I hardly ever do. I should keep the apartment more tidy, I should eat more healthy, I should organize my pathetic desk at work, and the list goes on. So why is it that I feel as though I am the only person in the world with so many "I should"s on their life list?? [I know I'm not.] Discipline is a sneaky thing. It seems like it should be so easy: I should do __________. So just do it! And repeat. There; discipline accomplished. Ta daaa! However I find that I never typically bring myself to actually DO what should be done. Because there's other, more fun things to do instead. Like watch Netflix. (Damn you, Netflix!!) Urg. I want to feel better about this. I want to do the things that I should do, as well as the things I want to do. Apparently it's difficult to strike that balance. I guess all I can do is try!